Be Yourself: who else is better qualified?

What did you this week? Cancer Story

2012-02-10T09:56:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I want people to know my story. But because I try not to make it a big deal or express our story in the fear that people will take it as a way to make others feel sorry for us or think we are making excuses, I don’t share unless someone asks… and even then, I leave out ALL the details. But right now I have chosen to share with you.

What did you do this week? Were you so stressed because you had a huge test to study for? Were you tired because you had to wake up early and mow the lawn?

What did I do this week? What did my dad do this week? What did my mom do yesterday and today and days past since 2006?

This week I rode with my mom and dad to the hospital in Tampa to get her results from her biopsy. My mother is an ongoing cancer fighter and fighting she has done with such humble strength! She has been battling cancer for 6 years now and has gone through several rounds of chemotherapy, surgery, and radiation. She has cried her share of tears; we all have. The results were not what we hoped for, what we prayed for, what we wanted. But life isn’t about getting what you want; it’s about getting what you need. It’s about getting what is the best for your life and others. And when you become so scared to close your eyes at night because you are scared your mother won’t be there when you wake up, you realize what you want is what is needed. You want what is best for others. So we received the news that yes, she has cancer again and the doctor talked about all the options.

It was such a long day on the road as we made pit stops on the way home to gather decorations for a funeral for one of my dad’s good friends. My dad was put in charge of the reception so we had to buy a lot of ingredients to make desserts. We bought tablecloths, decorations, paint, etc. on the way home from the hospital. As the day seemed to get longer and longer, I felt my headache getting worse and worse. When we arrived home 12 hours later, my head hurt so bad, I could barely swallow because my throat hurt, and I had a fever of 101.8. But we had to work to do. My dad had a funeral to prepare, and he realized there were some things he forgot at the store, so I drive to Publix to pick up more milk, creamer, brown sugar, etc. My mom has no time to rest… she is busy baking all sorts of desserts. My dad barely has anytime to mourn, he is busy making the food, decorating the tables, etc for Wednesday’s funeral. I help him decorate by putting rocks into the candle jars and placing ribbon around them. And I’m thinking to myself, “Wow my dad is such a great man. But why did he get put in charge of the reception for the death of his friend at the same time we find out my mom has cancer again?” I don’t know anyone else who can do this without complaining or wanting credit. But he doesn’t complain and if anyone knows my dad, you know that he will never take credit or brag about his accomplishments.

I have a huge midterm exam to study for but am so tired and can barely read because my head hurts. Not to mention the thoughts racing through my mind about my mom’s cancer and not having a lot of time because I’m still helping my parents with preparing for the reception. But that’s ok because I know my help means a lot to my parents and even more so to the family who just witnessed a loss in their life.

So this weekend I went with my parents to the hospital to receive the results from my mom’s biopsy… She has cancer…again. I got sick with a fever and even had to miss class (which I NEVER miss class), had a huge test to study for, and helped my dad prepare a reception for a funeral of a wonderful man that he was good friends with. But if you ask me what I did this weekend, I’ll say something like, “oh I was really busy and studied for a test, wrote a song on my guitar.” If you ask how I am I’ll say something like this, “I’m good, I’m feeling a lot better now. Thanks.” But when I ask a friend if they want to hang out and they say they can’t because they are just SO busy studying for a test… remember that someone has a lot more to do than study for a test. I studied and I did a lot a more than just that. And maybe I just need a break from all that is going in my life and want to have a little laugh. Remember next time you complain about your lawn. My dad has a lot more to worry about than stressing about whether his grass is green. He has to miss so many days of work because of his wife’s cancer that he often has to go in on the weekends to make up for his missed workdays. He has bigger worries.

But I am fine. I promise I am. I struggle a lot but that doesn’t mean I’m not happy, or that my joy is taken away every time I struggle. It’s not; it’s still here. But I do struggle since my mom has had cancer. I struggle a lot. I struggle with being perfect. I struggle with trying to not make mistakes. I struggle with trying to please everyone around me. My struggles can be made into strengths and they have, they are with the help and love of God. God is here. I can breathe.

Flashback: it’s 2008 and I’m eating dinner with my family on a Sunday night in the back yard. My sister and her boyfriend are here. My brother and his fiancé too. My dad smoked some barbeque and my mom set out a game of “Things” on the picnic table. The wind is gently blowing and it’s still light out even though it is past 7 o’clock. We joke, laugh, and play games. But then the morning comes, only it’s not as light out as I think it should be. I’m now dealing with my first heartbreak. I’m in 11^thgrade. My mom has just received the bad news; she has cancer. I’m crying because I gave all of myself to a boy who didn’t love me. I’m crying because my mother who is supposed to be there for me can’t. She has a tragedy of her own. So I cry even more because I don’t want to see her cry. I don’t want to see her hurt. She doesn’t deserve this. We are a Christian family who loves God but we didn’t practice prayer. We didn’t practice walking by his side daily and acknowledging him with every breath. My mom did that and I tried to do that. But with cancer my family tried it out, my sister, brother, me, and dad. We all tried something new: “Let’s cling to God.” So we did and man did that change our lives.

TO BE CONTINUED

Celebrate Good Times C'mon!

2012-01-28T17:45:00.000-08:00

Well today my grandparents celebrated their 50th anniversary with nothing less than a splendid celebration There was great food and great decorations but even greater people (even if they were A LOT older than me.) During this celebration of love I discovered how important it is in life to converse with people of all ages, cultures, and colors. I'm used to having conversations with people in highschool and college using the same typical words: cool, awesome, and legit. But can I just say how cool, awesome, and legit it was to be able to have a different side of myself show today through talking with people who may have a different approach to life. That's something that I want to talk about. So many people in this world are very much about being yourself, and that's great and all, but how will you ever know who your true self is if you only invest time in one certain type of peoples. I mean there are many sides to us and we are afraid to show our different colors. I believe that life is not black and white, and neither are we. Then when we try to expand our rainbow we find ourselves being shunned by others if they do not like our colors, and then call each other fake. That is something that thoroughly bothers me because so many people spend a great deal of their life trying to find out who they are because they think they are allowed to only be one type of person and cage all the other ones inside of them. They/we find ourselves playing pet to people who we allow to boss us around telling us who to be. Let's just be ourselves. That's my challenge for you. Be yourself, and be countless numbers of yourself. If sometimes you want to wear a pearl necklace and then the next day where cowboy boots. DO IT! If sometimes you want to listen to classic rock music, then the next day listen to modern techno. DO IT! I know I have different sides to me and am very thankful that my family allowed and encouraged me to embrace who I am, everything that I am made of; Not just a little bit here and a little bit there. I dare you to make the critics outraged by your genuine honesty within yourself. I dare you to make the critics outraged by being who you want to be and not be limiting. LET'S GET OUTRAGEOUS! CELEBRATE GOOD TIMES and CELEBRATE YOURSELF!

7 days later.

2012-01-07T18:28:00.000-08:00

So far so good. January 2012 is looking great and I can't believe I'm going to say this but... I'm actually excited for school. It starts in two days and I can't wait. Call me a nerd, seriously, call me one. I'm a nerd and I'm ready to release that side of me! And I'm also ready to read a new book. Does anyone have any good suggestions, considering I don't have any literature classes this semester and I'm kind of bummed about it.

I hope this year doesn't go by as quickly as last year because I just have so many things on my to do list that I must accomplish, and do not want to fall short of them like last year (though I'm still satisfied with everything in 2011). Some little things I've accomplished today though are
1. I wrote a song. No, it's not about love. No, it's not about a breakup. Guess again. It's about life and how you may feel like everything is falling apart and you're the only one, but good news. YOU'RE NOT.
2. I went for a 30 minute run. But it wasn't just any 'ole thirty minute run, it was one with intervals, so I feel pretty darn accomplished.
3. Then I went to eat at Carrabba's with my family for dinner just to put all that exercise to waste.

Yep, that about summarizes it. #sofarsogood

Sometimes I'm weird.

2012-01-05T21:36:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I do crazy things. Sometimes I do simple things. Sometimes I do nothing but look up a musician who I like all day and watch videos of them before they were famous and try to see them past the media and paparazzi. I have no idea why. Sometimes I'm just weird. And I have this crazy passion for music so somehow that helps me manage and balance life with emotions a little better. Well today I was watching some videos of Justin Bieber before he was famous and made me respect him a lot more. Here's a video called "Pray" by Justin Bieber; it's a really beautiful and touching song. Enjoy

I'm Back!

2012-01-04T10:40:00.000-08:00

Wow It's almost been a year since I have last blogged but have no fear, I am here. I'm back in action with my blogging and my goal for 2012 (well one of many), is to not slack on on blogging!

It's January 4th 2012 and with another year behind us, who's ready to rumble in with the new one?! I know I am for sure. I have made some new year's resolutions, some simple, some challenging, but all in all I feel confident about the goals that I am determined to reach and the old habits I am eager to put down. And with a new journey ahead of me, I have just ended one that took place in Nashville, Tennessee and am willing to lay it down for a rest temporarily.

That's right, I moved to Nashville on August 3rd and moved back exactly 4 months later. I learned so many things while I was away on my own for a bit. Here's how it went down: I took a semester off from college to live in a new city for a little while to just learn a little more about life, about myself, and about dreams. See, I'm not the kind of person to just do what's expected and what's traditional if it's not me. I know there are things in life that you must do even when you don't want to, but I am not a person who doesn't do a lot of things they want to just because they feel they have to do what's expected. Does that make sense? A lot of people go to highschool, go to college, get a degree that they don't even know if they wanted, get a job, and get married. Where's the fun? Where's the experiences? Is that you? I'm aware that it works for some people, but it does not work for everyone. So I did what worked for me. I lived in MUSIC CITY USA for 4 moths and had the time of my life! I met so many wonderful people, some similar to me and some very different from me. But it was nice to see new faces, new ideas, and a new lifestyle. I've been dreaming of the day that I can move to a bigger city since I was 10 because I live in a really small town where everyone knows everyone by name, and everyday is the same. I met so many wonderful people in the music industry and even went to the CMA's!

Though it was fun while it lasted, I knew that come December I would need to move back to Florida to finish my associates of arts degree before I continue out onto other new ventures. So those 4 moths from August to December came and went in flash but when I arrived home I realized just how much I missed my family. I got to spend a wonderful Christmas with family, friends, and relatives that I hadn't seen in forever and really enjoyed it.

So here's a summary of some new things I did in 2011.

1. Got certified to teach Zumba

2. Spent my very first holiday, Thanksgiving, alone without my parents ):

3. Met some very important people in the music industry

4. Moved from a small town in Florida to a big city in Tennessee.

5. Got signed with a new acting and modeling agency

6. Made Red Velvet cookies for the very first time from scratch

7. Played music at a venue in Nashville... and finally made money doing it

8. Drove 13 hours all by myself

9. Got involved with a new church in Nashville

10. Made new friends

Can't wait to see what 2012 has in store for me but I have a feeling it's going to be a great year!

It's Time. I'm Ready

2010-03-25T22:09:00.000-07:00

It's time. I'm ready.

And I admit, I'm getting a little impatient.

I am such a dreamer and I am someone who thinks with my heart and not my head. I don't mind it though, I actually am glad I was made like this. But then my mind goes off into this big mumbo-jumbo thinking. Like today, suddenly these feelings of unsatisfaction came rushing into me when my friend Colton asked me what I wanted to do tonight. And I was like I want to do anything but stay here in Titusville. I mean I've been here for like a bazillion years (ok maybe 17 years) in this same exact spot doing the same exact thing. I'm ready for a change. Change of direction, change of location, new friendships and new experiences. And it seems I can't find that in a little old town, so I'm ready to explore. But this.... this... my life, is holding me back from journeys and adventures that are eagerly awaiting me.

And I know it's scary. It's scary to move, it's scary when you don't seriously know what you want to do for a career, and also dissapointing when someone tells you to face reality when you want to live in your dream. Well I'm ready to make my dream a reality so I can face reality every day of my life with a huge grin on my face with arms wide open hugging the air that God so graciously gave to me.

It's like I;m so ready to take a chance. I'm ready to hit rock-bottom, because then I know I can always stand back up. I'm ready to learn the hard way because then I'll at least learn instead of staying here doing the same things with no lessons to be learned, and always living with that painful question.... WHAT IF.

Well this is my question. What if I pack my bags, fill up my gas tank, and drive down the road and dont stop until I need to fill up on gas again?

Are we willing to chase our dreams, are we willing to possibly learn the hardway, or would we rather just live a mediocre life? Extraordinary people are meant to live extraordinary lives, and I consider myself extraordinary, just like everyone of us. I'm ready to take a chance, after all we only have one life, and we never know exactly how long that is, and when the clock stops ticking for us.

TODAY I WILL FINALLY BEGIN MY JOURNEY OF LIFE.

1. Church 2. My plan

2010-02-01T15:59:00.000-08:00

So this has been on my heart lately, the first paragraphs. It's just me releasing my feelings because I needed so desperetely to vent. The last paragraphs are my plans and desires.

I think its funny, well scratch that, I think it's hurtful how "church" people say they miss you, but the only time they talk to you is when they see you online or see you walk past them at school, and then they're like oh i miss you! So they invite you to their church." And it's like really? Because if you really cared and really missed me then wouldn't you want to hang out with me, or invite me to a get together. Instead of worrying about whether I'm going to church, or wondering if I'm doing bad things, that's not your job. And maybe if someone really missed a person like they say, and invited me to hang out, then you would know that I'm attending church still and I'm doing just fine. Can we not still be friends if we go to different churches? It's just sometimes so surface level with people and it's really hard when you're trying to develop friendships with people who have the same morals as you and believe in the same things as you do, when all they care about is people coming to their church. And they only become your friend if you're selected. And when did it become their church or my church or your church. As far as I'm concerned it's God's church and I'm sure He would love it if friendships were being developed outside of just church. If friendships were being developed where the two went to different churches. It's hard when you try to continue a relationship with them but it's always unsuccessful.

It's sad that some people are so consumed with their church instead of relationships, instead of the outside world, instead of coming out of their own little comfort zone and bubble and start being a light. It's sad that the only time some of us are ever being a light to outsiders is when they come to your church, when they shouldn't even be outsiders in the first place. It's a shame that inside of a church there is still gossiping, judging, and cliques. I admit I've done my share of it but I've learned from it. I'm not perfect, nowhere near it but I understand how hurtful this can be.

I would just like to focus more about the streets than the church. The church is where Christians come together and build off one another, have a worship party for God to give him glory and praise, and to prepare yourself spiritually for the following week when you're out on the streets witnessing to people. The church is where people UNITE and hear testimonies. Where people UNITE and share prayer requests. Where people UNITE and listen to a message from God. Where is the unity amongst the churches? I can't seem to find it.

And I admit sometimes it gets hard not to blame God. I just have to keep remembering that God isn't doing this and people aren't perfect. People will let people down, it's up to us how we handle it. and it doesn't mean it is or isn't God's plan for those people to let you down. Even I let myself down sometimes, and I know for a fact I let people down sometimes. I'm sorry for that.

*******
Thankfully I have God, and my best friend to encourage me. They help me focus not so much on things like this but on the bigger picture. They help me to get my focus to where God wants it to be. To the streets where people are desperate to witness Christian people being walking Jesus's . To the streets where people are begging to see what mercy and grace feel like. To witness people showing love to one another, to witness people serving one another and building one another up. That's what I want to do with my life.
I have this desire to be a light in big cities. I know many people feel called to go to poor countries around the world and be missionaries. I always thought that was so cool and I always wanted to do that. But now the more I learn about myself and the closer I get to God I realized that's not my calling. I feel I'm called to do God's work, to be a light to people in the big cities. I like the feeling of being in big cities but with that comes a lot of corruption. I know that it will be a challenge because feelings of pride, materialism, partying that sneaks into the lives of big city-ers. I want to give hope to people, I want to help them let go of that lifestyle. I want to show them how much fun it can be to live a simple life in a big and complex city. So many people mistake that theory. So many people think that with living in a big complex cities requires you to live a complex life.
I want to allow God to work through me to show people how great God is. I want to allow God to work through me to show people how to be thankful for what they have and help them to not always want to live so materialistic. When we're thankful for what we have, and we're happy with the position in life that God has placed us in then our life becomes much more enjoyable. When we're not looking for happiness in partying, or boys, or in our work and how much we make, and start looking for happiness in God, then our stress levels go down, our confidence goes up, and our smiles get bigger. I love smiling and I love to make people smile. And I love to see people smile :)

Pumpkin Carving

2009-10-29T20:52:00.000-07:00

Wow. I am totally slacking on my blogging. I have been really busy, and extremely tired. I guess going to bed at 2:00 and waking up at 8:00 isn't the smartest thing to do and is finally catching up with me. On the flip side I have been doing some fun activities. Over the weekend I went to tampa to celebrate my uncle's 40th birthday. Tonight I carved pumpkins with Colton. Mine was a cute little jack-o-lantern and his was an epic jack-o-lantern, with batman carved on it!

Tomorrow is my last day volunteering at Oak Park Elementary and I am so stoked. I know that sounds awful, but it has just been wearing me out. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love children with my whole heart, I really do. It's just that I don't think I want to do it as a career. I'm thankful that I learned this out now though instead of later.

I am really excited about life. In two days it's Halloween. In three days it's my birthday. And then Christmas music every dayyyy! With the lovely and oh so welcoming interruption of Thanksgiving which I am excited for as well. I just absolutely love fall and winter and I wake up every morning and I can feel it inside my heart and it makes me so happy. I'm just really excited to see where God leads me each day, because each day is a new day that the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it! :)

Emotions Galore.

2009-10-16T09:12:00.000-07:00

Lately I have been going through some hard times emotionally and I don't even know why. I don't know if I'm going through this phase where I am just super sensitive or if the reasons why I'm crying are actually reasonable and understanding. Whatever it is, I don't like it and every time I try to turn it around there is something around the next corner bringing me down. I used to be so strong, I don't know what happened but I just keep finding myself in this place where I let my emotions take over my thoughts and allow myself to dwell in self-pity and sorrowness. I'm usually this person who is full of laughter and joyful to be around... or so I thought. I feel as if I'm being pushed away from my church and my friends, leading me to wonder what is wrong with me. Am I not fun? Am I not silly and sweet? It's weird. Maybe I'm just used to being really active and involved with the church when I was in highschool, and so not being really involved in college group is just a hard adjustment to get used to. Maybe I'm just used to being part of leadership and feeling somewhat important to the church so coming to a new place where I feel inferior is just something that I'm going to have to overcome. Even though I have said multiple times that I want to get involved. Oh I know what this feeling is that I keep feeling daily.... insignificance. I know I am special and thankfully I have God who tells me every day how special I am and how pleased He is with my heart. Sometimes I confess I just get a little selfish and want some recognition...not glory or anything. I just want to KNOW that I am making a difference, and I just feel like I'm trying my hardest how much harder do I have to try before I can be pleased with the difference I am making. Or am I even making a difference? All I want is for everyone to be happy and loving each other and themselves, and tell people how wonderful God is. Maybe God has a new place for me, with a different church, or maybe he just wants me to be with the same church but on the outside for a little bit. Or maybe He's saddened just like me from this and sometimes it's just the people who don't make the choice that God wants them to make. People so often look to God as the reason why but sometimes people can be hurtful. Sometimes I can be hurtful, and sometimes life can be hurtful. It's up to us how we are going to handle it and if we are going to put a smile on even when things don't go the way we want. Which again I confess, I am not doing so well with that. Instead I just let every little thing hurt my feelings... and still I don't have the answer as to why I keep allowing myself become so hurt. So to get through these days I just count on God, and I know he will help me overcome this mountain of emotions. He will help me enjoy the journey, hard times and all. And not focus so much on the destination, which I have realized is something I am also currently struggling with. I have been wanting to see the end, sometimes before I have even started sowing my seeds. So I just need to relax and go with the flow and not worry so much about how well I am doing in life and just have fun.

An entry to one of my classes about cloning and abortion.

2009-10-07T13:22:00.001-07:00

A child is generally seen as a kind of gift of nature, conceived out of the love and passion of two people. However, as more technology is used in childbirth, there is a concern that the child may be seen increasingly as a commodity whose major purpose is to satisfy the emotional needs of the parents.

http://www.answers.com/topic/reproductive-technology-ethical-issues

I don't agree with reproductive technology. I don't agree with stem cell research. I think that SOME people may have the right intentions but there are always better ways to solve problems than these two ways. MOST people however, have the wrong intentions and the wrong way to solve it. Why can't we just live naturally instead of trying to solve every problem in the world. We die anyways, what's the big deal. Seriously, I know that's blunt but it's the truth. We spend all this energy on problems that we will never be able to fix. We try to dominate the world when we were only created to dominate over the plants and animals. That means, not to harm them, but to protect them. Do you really think that cloning is the right thing to do?

I believe life begins at the moment of conception, when the sperm and the egg meet. I believe that there is a world inside your body and a world outside your body and just because the baby lives on the inside world does not make that life "fake" and the outside world "real." I believe that abortion is wrong with no exceptions to it. Call me extreme, but even in cases where the baby might have a defect, or rape I still stand firm and strong on the opposing end of abortion. There are other ways to handle this situation. Like the saying says, "violence is never the answer" now I add, "murder is never the answer." Life starts all because of conception so that is just as important as "scientific" life. So yes, LIFE begins at the moment of conception. As kelly has stated, "then what do you call it rolling around in the female for 21 days" for those of you who believe that is when life starts- after 22 days? Gianna Jessen is an abortion survivor with a defect and she is very passionate and joyful about her life. She was being burnt alive in her mothers womb and was supposed to be born dead but she survived. She wasn't even supposed to walk and she has ran marathons. She got placed in the care of a foster mother who hated her. Did that stop her from pursuing happiness and life. No it did not; it just made her more passionate in passing hope to people. Like Jill said in her post, if you were to ask the aborted babies who didn’t survive if they were glad their mothers aborted them do you think they would say yes???! To conclude, abortion is murder.

Feel free to express your thoughts :)

No Boundaries

2009-09-22T18:12:00.000-07:00

Seconds, hours, so many days
You know what you want, but long can you wait?
Every moment last forever
When you've lost your way.

What if my chances were already gone?
I started believing that I could be wrong
But you give me one good reason
To fight and never walk away

So here I am, still holding on

With every step you climb another mountain
Every breathe, it's harder to believe
You'll make it through the pain, weather the hurricanes
To get to that one thing

Just when you think the road is going nowhere
Just when you almost gave up on your dreams
They take you by the hand and show you that you can
There are no boundaries
There are no boundaries

I fought to the limit, to stand on the edge
What if today is as good as it gets?
Don't know where the future's heading
But nothing's gonna bring me down
I've jumped every bridge and I've run every line
I risked being safe but I always knew why
I always knew why

So here I an, still holding on

With every step you climb another mountain
Every breathe, it's harder to believe
You'll make it through the pain, weather the hurricanes

To get to that one thing

Just when you think the road is going nowhere
Just when you almost gave up on your dreams
They take you by the hand and show you that you can

You higher, you can go deeper
There are no boundaries above and beneath you
Break every rule cause' there's nothing between you
And your dreams

With every step you climb another mountain
Every breath, it's harder to believe

Yeah!

There are no boundaries

With every step, you climb another mountain
Every breath, it's harder to believe
You'll make it through the pain, weather the hurricanes

There are no boundaries.
There are no boundaries.
There are no boundaries.

NO BOUNDARIES- KRIS ALLEN

Fearfully & Wonderfully made are you!

2009-09-18T15:17:00.000-07:00

I love my imperfections. I can only hope everyone will learn to love their imperfections and realize that that is what makes them beautiful and unique. I have learned that no matter how hard you try to make people like you and how nice you can be, not everyone is going to like you. No matter how much make-up you put on and how many pairs of designer heels you wear, not everyone will think you are pretty. Does it hurt? yes. It's a hard concept to understand because we are not going to genuinely like everyone we meet. We see people and we do not think everyone we see is pretty or attractive. But then when people don't think we are pretty we are hurt. We are mad. We are sad. Why do we expect this when we don't expect everyone that we see to be pretty. I have learned to accept that, because that's the way life is, and that's what makes life so special. Beauty in different forms. I have learned that I don't want to be just externally beautiful and empty inside. And how great and special it is to find someone that loves you from the inside out. And if you ever start to feel like you don't belong, or there is something you wish was different about you, or just that you're not perfect the way you are. Well that is like telling God He made a mistake. And be encouraged by knowing that God does not make a mistake! You are not a mistake, you are not ugly, you are PERFECT in His image! Don't let an imperfect person measure your beauty, because they will give you imperfect opinions and judgment. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. Let God be the judge of that: Fearfully and wonderfully made are you. Cheerfully and beautifully formed are you! You are His darling. You couldn't be any more precious in his eyes- The eyes of PERFECTION SEES YOU AS BEAUTIFUL! :) That's why it is so important to be filled with God, because when we spend time with God before we start our day, there is something different to us. We are strong, brave, and confident. And we are these things because we allow God to fill us with them, instead of fighting a mindset that can control our feelings. But God is so powerful that He hears your cries, hurts, laughter, and praise. He wants to bless us, and help us and give us the tools that we need to go about our day, so that we can fight the battles of sin and the world. With Him all things are possible!

TGIT- Thank God It's Thursday

2009-09-10T12:33:00.000-07:00

TGIT- Thank God It's Thursday.

So i'm still not completely adjusted to this whole 3 day weekend every week, it's pretty awesome, I must say. I get confused on my days and keep thinking that Friday is Saturday because I'm not used to it, but hey I'll take it! This week has been really good. I am in the process of cleaning out my room and rearranging all my furniture because what can I say, I love change. I am constantly looking for it in my life, even in little things like changing my room around. It brings me joy though, I know that's weird but it does. Or sometimes I'll make a change to my schedule and try to do something different every day... so I guess that means I don't really have a schedule, haha but that's the way I like it :) Sometimes my change can be as little as finding a new song that I have never heard before and put it on my itunes. Sometimes I'm craving a big change like going out of town for a day and just have time with myself around an unfamiliar place. Life is just too good to settle for mediocrity. I have two quotes for today:

It's not sometimes realistic to think that something magical can happen, but I think I look for the magic.

*Coz if you don't dream big what's the use of dreaming
If you don't have faith there's nothing worth believing
It takes one look to make the stars worth reaching for
So reach out for something more*

driving in the rain

2009-09-01T18:24:00.000-07:00

So I drove to Cocoa Village this evening in search of a job. I arrive there, put my car in park, and as I am looking frantically for my umbrella (because it was pouring rain) I realized I forgot it at home! I can't just walk downtown and then go into a shop soaking wet because that would look unprofessional when seeking a job, but I get out anyways and what do I notice? All the little boutiques and clothing stores had already closed for the evening. So I get back into my car, practically slam the door, and head for home. Needless to say I was pretty much infuriated. Well maybe not to that extreme because I must say thought it was pouring rain I got to listen to some pretty good music that I just burned onto a CD. Now that I have vented, I get to relax once again.

First Blog!

2009-08-31T11:36:00.000-07:00

This is my first post and am proud to say I finally understand how to use this website. I write in my journal quite often, and decided I should start blogging, but the confusion of technology just had me stumbled, so I put it off for a while until I had the desire to learn how and well... I finally had that desire. So here I am sitting with a bag of french onion Sun Chips typing on the laptop. Today has actually been a good and relaxed day so far. I woke up and met a friend at the bakery to catch up on all that we did over the summer then went to my first aid and safety class and did some easy work for an hour. Then I had to make a stop by the elementary school to get details about volunteering in a first grade classroom there which I am really excited about because I just love little kids, they always know how to make you smile.

When I came home I had a much needed quiet time with God because for these past two months I have been feeling this pressure of having to be perfect or else people will love me less if I mess up, which is weird because I have never been one to worry about perfection. This pressure is causing me to stumble more and more, and push me away from the greatest love of my life. So I just sat there in his presence soaking up His love that He has been trying to pour out onto me but I was just too stressed to slow down and accept it. Now that I have soaked Him up, I am ready to squeeze Him out :)

And God has been showing me places where I can be used and it has just been really exciting! I just joined Bridges last week at BCC, which is a Christian club and it's so cool to just meet new christian people who have the same beliefs and priorities as I. It's been exciting to meet new people in general at my new college as a freshman. Life has been overall pretty good; I have already been learning so much and have been making money for the first time in my life so I would say I am pretty darn blessed. Well I'm off to go on a bike ride where I get to enjoy the sunshine on my face and the wind in my hair! hehe.